I just read the first 7 chapters of Dekada ‘70, a Filipino novel about the life of a housewife with 5 male children during the time when the Philippines was under President Marcos’s martial law. The argument of Jules makes me think and ponder. He is the communist-inclined son of the housewife, the main protagonist.

…Sinabi ni Jules na tapunan lang daw tayo ng Amerika ng basura nila at sinagot naman iyon ni Julian na tinutulungan din naman tayo ng Amerika:

“Pinadadal’an nila tayo ng financial aid; ayaw mo pa ba no’n?” Sabi ni Julian. “Sila ang tumutulong sa industriyalisasyon ng bansang ito; and nagpapagawa ng mga kalye’t tulay, eskuwelahan at mga gusali. Sila ang nagpasok sa ‘tin ng mga sasakyan.”

“Dad, ‘yong mga sasakyang ipinasok nila dito, binili natin ‘yon . . . hindi nila bigay sa ‘tin!” sagot naman ni Jules. “At kaya nila ipnagpapagawa tayo ng mga kalye’t tulay ay para kailanganin natin ‘yong mga materyales sa pagpapagawa ng mga kalye’t tulay na ipinagbibili nila. Ngayon, no’ng maikundisyon na nila yung isip natin, –sa pamamagitan ng mga eskuwelahang sinasabi mo, –sa paghahangad sa mga produktong US, ginusto na rin natin ‘yong mga kotseng gawa nila. At komo may kotse na tayo dito, kailangan na rin natin ang kanilang gasolina’t langis, ang kanilang mga gulong at spare parts! Kailangan natin ang sasakyan para mai-transport ang kanilang mga produkto . . . at habang pinatitindi pa nila ang ating colonial mentality, pinapatay nila ang pag-unlad ng ating mga sariling industriya. Kaya kita mo, Dad . . . sa lahat ng panahon, ‘yong kikitain nila sa ‘tin ang nasa isip ng mga Kano!”

“Okay,” sa huli’y sinabi n’ya. “Sige, sabihin na natin na gano’n kasama ang Amerika. Wala dapat tayong tanawing utang na loob sa kanila. Okay. Pero bakit ang gobyerno natin ang kinakalaban ng husto ng mga kabataan? Fair ba ‘yon?”

“Dad, the bendisyon ng mga pamahalaan nagpapatuloy ang pagsasamantala ng mga dayuhan dito.”

“Hindi pa si Marcos and presidente nang lagdaan ang mga agreement sa mga relasyon ng Amerika’t Pilipinas. Wala silang choice kundi kilalanin ‘yon.” … “Hindi mga bobo ang mga tao sa gobyerno. Mga ekspertong nga ekonomista ‘yan, mga political scientists.”

“Mga eksperto din sa graft and corruption.”

How this conversation can remain apt until today…

…From where I stand, what is more patent is that most Filipinos would prefer being somebody else. Preferably, American citizens.

That is the Filipino dream. That is the Filipino tragedy. It is one and the same.

Something worth pondering this, well, we call it Independence Day.

That was a quote from Conrado de Quiros’s column last June 12, 2002, 104th Philippine Independence Day.

I just read it today.

Some more stuff from the column:

I’ve said in several columns that the one thing we need to prosper, or even just survive, is a sense of independence. Or nationalism, or patriotism, or plain sense of country, call it what you will. Nationalism isn’t just about being protectionist or anti something, as the people who like to say it has become irrelevant in this age like to reduce it to. It is also, and far more so, about embracing something, or being for something. It is not just about fighting colonial rulers, defending the country from foreign invaders and protecting sovereignty — though heaven knows we could do with robust displays of it too. It is also about having a sense of community, having a sense of home, being proud to be Filipino.

Call it what you will, it is the one thing we need — and it is the one thing we lack. We are astonished by the way other Southeast Asian countries have progressed, outracing us and leaving us far behind, and often think that is the product of the discipline that comes from an authoritarian culture. It is nothing of the kind. If it is discipline at all, it comes not from authoritarianism but from nationalism. The Thais have it, the Singaporeans have it, the Indonesians and Malaysians have it, the Vietnamese and Cambodians and Laotians have it. That is the one thing that separates them from us. They are proud to be what they are, they are not proud to be American clones.

You have a fierce sense of independence, you have a passionate sense of country, and you will not think of trashing your country, smug in the thought that your kids are studying in American schools and preparing to live in America anyway, and you yourself can always do that when things go from bad to worse. You will not think of ransacking the forests, poisoning the sea and air, and sucking in the wealth of the country like a vacuum cleaner all the way to the vaults of the Swiss banks. You will not think of saying how utterly helpless we are to solve our problems without external, preferably American, help, alms we can eat, sovereignty we cannot. You will treat your country with the ardent solicitousness of a lover. Or to use a rich Filipino word, you will have malasakit for your country.

We don’t have it. That’s what’s killing us. I beg to disagree with Jose Abueva’s findings that most Filipinos are proud to be Filipinos. Except for the sudden bursts of pride and passion you find during centennials and displays of people power, it is seldom patent.

It’s sad. Because its true. Many Filipinos still look up to America and dream of becoming American clones at the least if not become American citizens all the way. And it’s sad that the government nurtures that. Specially by bringing American troops here. I have talked a lot about that. I don’t need to reiterate. I hear they are formally going to sign a contract or something that would extend their stay and widen their rights to get involved in combat or something. Before you know it, the rebirth of American military bases in this country has commenced.

It was so damn hot in school today. Apparently, some electric grid or something that supplies electricity to the school broke up or whatever. So there was no electricity the whole day in school. And it was scorching hot and torrid! My wet undershirt grasped my body like a thick wool jacket in that heat. It was so hot! I just had to take a bath immediately after I got home. Good thing we have electricity at home. Phew.

Francis, whose desk I’ve been using these past days, finally attended school, so with him around, I had to find another place to squat. I hate it because while everybody is enjoys having their own desks, I am assigned to a ridiculous gradeschool deskchair. Kulang nang mesa sa classroom. Ano ba ‘yan, nasa Ateneo ba ‘ko?! So today, I stayed at Kenny’s desk, who was absent. I wonder if I will be forced to sit in my stupid chair tomorrow.

So I finally got to talk to the new classmate. I was glad I finally alked to him. At least I didn’t contribute to the asshole attitudes my other classmates were treating him with. It’s so unfair for him. I don’t think he did anything wrong and deserve the treatment he does.

Speaking of it, a while ago at the shuttle on our way back home, one of my shuttle mates who was a previous classmate of our new classmate, narrated some negative stories about him. But I didn’t mind. Some bullies just easily gets into his nevers if I may presume. It’s not his fault if he stabbed someone in the wrist or whatever the story was. It’s just good for that bully, if you ask me.

We were having a present-who-you-are introduction activity in English class. And as usual, the dominant clique people received the most applause. And of course the other people from the other side of the fence, socially speaking, had their presentations in the sense of humor of the DC’s (dominant clique) standards. And I hated that. Tomorrow, nobody will be amused at our presentation. It’s irritating how ever since a certain group of aggressive jocks took dominance in our class’s social heirarchy, everybody is in pursuit for and seeking their amusement to recognize themselves.

That’s life in my class. Of course, expect them to deny it, but socially speaking, that’s how I see the social problem is in class. It’s like everything must depend and is centered on the approval of their barkada.

They did lose majority in the elections. But it doesn’t matter anyway if Toff is the class president and I, the vice-president, because the social structure will seem to always stay the same, what they want is what they get. If they want the class jersey to be colored pink, then pink it is, no opposition if ever futile. Even if Rene, Patrick, Josh or the rest of us, the real majority in class, want green, it would still be pink. Toff and I were elected not because we represent the class but because they expect us to do the hard work for them. So it isn’t actually a privelage to be class vice-president if you ask me. I feel like a servant to always concede to the popular critical decisions of the dominant faction.

It looks hopeless really. How could a bunch of smoking, aggressive, horny bastards unite with another bunch of losers and another bunch of intellectuals, and another bunch of game-anime freaks and another bunch of outcasts. I mean. Whoa.

Today is the 104th Philippine Independence Day. So there weren’t any classes. Today was kind of uneventful. It kind of pulled me off-synch with school. I felt like it was a vacation day once more. But oh well, I had to get back to reality.

I am once again beginning to layout another publication for Hilites Magazine. It’s our first ever Hilites Newsletter. Yah, it’s kind of easy to layout a newsletter. But won’t you get tired if you have to layout a brand new publication for an organization every week? Sigh. I can’t wait for the Org Fair. I’ll recruit the first applicant for layout editor immediately. I desperately need a staff member. I’m the only editor without any staff!! What kind of an editor is that? What have I got to edit? My own work? Pfft.

My dad bought his own laptop computer. And he looks so exuberant. He’s kind of…I mean, he is computer illiterate. He used to be one of those grown-ups in the who’s afraid to touch the keyboard. And because my brother and I both have our own computers, he kind of felt that there was something in the machine called a computer. So now, he has one for himself.

Boring, I know. I slept most of the day trying to catch up with my loss of sleep yesterday when I slept at 8 in the evening and woke up at 11 and didn’t sleep since then till today. So I was really hibernating all day.

Toff gave me a Neopets notebook yesterday which he bought from the US. Thanks a lot, Toff!