Okay. I’ve mellowed down. This is my third entry for today. The two previous entries were not really about my day rather it was some commentaries on some stuff.

Anyway. I’m really excited for our class outing tomorrow at Fontana Leisure Park at Clark, Pampanga! And because of it, I can’t concentrate on my review. We’ll also take our last exams tomorrow for Social Studies and Filipino. Agh.

I went to the grocery a while ago with my mom and bought some food for tomorrow. Woohoo. Oooh! I can’t wait to swim!

This is such a contrast to the serious mood of my two previous entries isn’t it? Anyway. Tomorrow, I won’t be able to write a new entry. Probably if there was an internet cafe there or something I could. But I doubt I’ll try to write even if there was.

The banner that I won 3rd place for the class at the Social Studies Quiz Bee is with Cinco I actually thought I lost it and I was afraid I’d be condemned by the class for losing a class banner. It’s with him after all. There isn’t any other explanation other than he stole it but he said he didn’t. So whatever. He didn’t then.

I just wrote an entry a while ago about this. And yet more and more stories on TV about Malaysia’s diasporadic action against Filipinos on Sabah. I just watched early evening newscasts.

Stories of the Filipino refugees include the story of two men who lost their minds after being maltreated at the Malaysian detainee camps. Thousands of children went home malnourished and sick, 13 of them had already died. Thousands and thousands more Filipinos sent home on a few numerous navy ships. If you’re a Filipino and you’ve seen their condition on TV, it will really stir up a patriotic resentment against Malaysia. Okay, enough said. Let’s not forget that the Philippines is still not letting go off its claim over Sabah which is currently occupied by Malaysia.

Other than Malaysia, here’s Vietnam. It may be good to refer to my Spratly Islands entry last May 4, 2002. Out of the 50 islands that are constitutionally part of our territory and geographically part of our continental shelf, we only occupy a measly 9, some say even only 8. These islands are believed to be over a rich oil deposit that’s why so many countries are arguing over them. Let’s forget the Chinese bully. here’s Vietnam. According to the newscast, they sent some Vietnamese women over to one of our islands. These women in one way or another, successfully tempted our army men who were guarding the island to go off somewhere else and have a vacation. When they came back, voila! The island is already occupied by Vietnam. That story is pretty ridiculous but the military confirmed that the said island has already really been snatched from us by the Vietnamese. And now, Vietnam leads the islands stats. And now, our occupied islands count goes down to 8 or 7. Out of the 50 that’s supposed to be ours!

Man, we have some pretty unkind neighbors here in South East Asia!

Malaysia is stirring anger among Filipinos. Seriously. Thanks to the media who never fails to sensationalize and add to the emotional concoction of the situation. So now, Philippines and Malaysia are beginning to dip into hostile waters.

The Philippines has already launched a diplomatic protest against Malaysia over the deportation of thousands of Filipinos from their Sabah territory, which coincidentally the Philippines also lay territorial claim on. But that is another story. It may be not. Malaysia may be kicking out the close to a million Filipinos in Sabah to protect their claim. Maybe not. But all in all, it is still Malaysia’s interest which is on top. As it was said in one editorial from the Philippine Inquirer, “Manila is not in the mood to revive the Sabah claim. Nor is it inclined to rock the boat of the now relatively calm relations it has with Kuala Lumpur. There is, therefore, no reason for Malaysia to be nervous over the large Filipino presence in Sabah or to emulate the Nazis’ methods of dealing with unwanted people.”

Hundreds of thousands of Filipinos have been deported on small fishing boats. Its scene would remind you of illustrations of the Vietnamese boat people refugees.

Can we blame Malaysia?

But the situation is more complex than that. A large portion of the inhabitants of Sabah are Filipinos, many of them undocumented and therefore considered “illegals.” They have lived in Sabah because the Filipinos in the Sulu archipelago considered the former British North Borneo a part of the Sultanate of Sulu long before it was annexed by the British under questionable circumstances. Travel between Sulu and Sabah has been relatively easy, with no visas required. Moreover, Filipinos in Sabah are not parasites living off the Malaysian economy; they hold jobs in Malaysian plantations.

- Nazis next door

And here’s a story for today. 13 children dead in Sabah exodus.

But then again. Our own government is partly to blame. In fairness, Malaysia has warned the government of their crackdown on illegal aliens. Knowing that hundreds of thousands of Filipinos are illegally in Sabah, the Philippine government didn’t seem to have done anything about it.

We had three exams today. Religion, Computer and Geometry.

I feel quite indifferent towards the Math exams this morning. I feel it’s neither easy nor was it hard. Whatever. Religion exams. Well, it was okay. I came to think of it, I like the essay I wrote down at the last part. It was supposed to be a reaction to a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. I was really amazed at the level of maturity Calvin had in dealing with the temptations of cheating. For a kid like him. Anyway. That’s all, better not get carried away any longer.

I was exempted from the Computer exams, thankfully. I deserve it, I guess. And as for anybody who gets exempted in any exam, my classmates hated me for that short while. See how we don’t appreciate each other’s achievements? Sad, I know.

Tomorrow, we’ll have English and Chemistry. Macky called me up a while ago and we discussed stuff about Chemistry. He badly needs to get a high score in the exams.

Now, I must read Ramayana for English exams tomorrow. THAT I need to excel in. Or else, I’ll end up with a C+ or even a C. Which is not enough to pull my grade up for honor card eligibility. Pop my head.

I am overwhelmed at how Jess makes me realize how many his kind of people are. It overwhelms me to the point that it paralyzes my entire optimism at every single thing. It depresses me.

All he did the during Religion class (when we were given almost the whole period as free time) was preach to me his beliefs. To encourage me like a salesman to try smoking pot with him. To denounce God. Everything!

Please Jess. We have been through this over and over again since we have been seatmates more than a month ago. Stop already. I am sick and tired of you telling me that there is no God. That guys like me would be killed in no time for our oh-so-goodie-good attitudes. I am sick and tired of your insults. I am tired of all your bragging. I am sick and tired of you!

If you hate how people dictate stuff to you, don’t do it to people like me. You know how you hate it when people insist on attacking what you believe in. Then do not force me to inflict the same spiteful things at you.

I absolutely can’t wait for our next shuffling of seating arrangement.

As time pass by, I feel that those that I used to rely on as the pillars of the ideal society I believe in are beginning to bow and crumble down to the pressures of conformity. Conformity to the mainstream lifestyle of today. You know what it is. Being bad. So now I find myself even more isolated than I ever was.

I need to feel I am important. Yes, maybe to my family I am important. That is a given. I don’t need to assure myself of that. Other than my family? Am I important to anybody else in this world? I am worth nothing.

One of the things that sustains me in this struggle is when people appreciate my strife. When people say, remain who you are, Victor. When people say I wish there were more young guys like you. Now, people don’t tell me that anymore. Instead they treat me like an abnormal freak who struggles to withstand conformity to mainstream deterioration of well, just because there isn’t any better word for it, moral standards.

Look at me. I am unimportant. If I had a problem, to whose shoulder would I cry on? No one’s. I’d drown my pillow in tears but to nobody’s shoulder will I break my dam of emotion.

After three days of not writing, here I am. I’m sorry. I’ve been sick the past couple of days. Fever, colds, cough, flu I guess. I don’t know. I was at my worst yesterday. I’ve never been so sick in years I think. I seriously thought I had dengue fever because of the many dengue-carrying mosquitoes in school which I thought might have injected their disease in me.

Anyway. Last Thursday, our Chemistry teacher called my laboratory group and Jayo and Cinco’s lab group out of class. Apparently, she believed that we had copied each other’s lab reports. It was my group mate, Wyson , who did our group’s lab report this week and so it was he and Jayo who were in question. So the teacher said they would be up for a suspension proposal. I, on the other hand, and Mon, my other group mate, and Cinco, will get a zero for the lab report but without the suspension Wyson and Jayo would get. It would have been horrible. but as weird as I am, I couldn’t quiet get myself upset over it. A little maybe. But I wasn’t even angry at Wyson or Jayo for making me get a zero over fifty points at a Chemistry lab report. Which would cost me a whole lot in my Chemistry grade.

This Friday, Wyson and Jayo apparently had a meeting with the prefect and the teacher. Wyson reported to me afterward, “We won’t get a zero anymore for our lab report. And I won’t get a suspension anymore. But Jayo is still on suspension proposal.”

So there.

Hilites Magazine editorial board meeting this afternoon. So there. Our art editor has quit. And since he has, I guess it’s okay to say, he was the Gunslinger who wrote what I think is a fantastic sarcastic article in our first issue. Anyway. We’re facing some problems. Students don’t seem to receive the magazine well this first issue. So we have to discuss what would trigger their interests. The problem is that their interests are the stuff we can’t publish!

Anyway. Here. I just received this because it was posted in the Hilites Magazine email group:

“grabe…kita nyo ba yung first ish ng hilites? leche…sino gumawa ng cover? i hate to say this…pero wala parin tatalo kay ayz…”

Ayz was the layout editor and editor-in-chief two yeas ago. And this first issue, I handled the layout as layout editor. And this guy (I know who he is) implies that the first issue’s layout sucked. For he who has not done anything for this issue of magazine and says this, I pity you for not recognizing how much work and effort we have put into this. Damn you, at the same time! For those who had worked so hard for this issue, kudos. For those who has not seen the first issue of the magazine, which was released yesterday, get one now from any high schooler because everyone in the high school gets a free copy. And I think the front cover is fantastic. For your information, I was not the one who did it. It’s magnificent nevertheless. Damn you again! Fine, you could’ve criticized the front cover art and the layout of the magazine as well, but insult me and the artist who painted the front cover?! Please. P*t*ng ina mo, wala ka na sa Hilites! Moron.

Anyway, we had two long tests today. English and Math. I think I did well on both. I even have a thought of possibly perfecting the tests. Anyway. Tomorrow, we have Computer and Religion long tests. Phew.

Oh, during Filipino period, we had a long quiz. And everybody benefited from the leakage my classmates got. Save some including me. **ck. And we get low scores for keeping ourselves dignified. Pathetic. I think I perfected the quiz nevertheless. But it bothers and annoys me a lot how so many people get so high grades because they are constantly fed with leakage from the other classes where they have close friends. And who calls themselves principled? Those with lose ones.