I got my first medal from the high school. A gold one at that. Yay! I was given one of the recognition day Awards for Activities, annually given to people from school who performed well in their respective orgs. About less than 200 people out of the 2,000+ students in the high school were given awards/citations. And not all of them are gold. So there, I’m proud. I also got a St. Ignatius pin as a part of the ed board of the school magazine which received a group citation.

Okay, let’s forget that.

This afternoon, I had to go to Pasig to talk to the printers of our magazine. You see, it’s our first time to go colored and numerous problems came up with the layout not matching specifications for best color printing. I initially planned to just commute and get lost but thankfully, our wealthy managing editor lent me his driver. It was my first time to ride a car with a sun roof.

Anyway, let the annual year-end hell weeks begin its climax!!

Last Thusday, right after Computer class, I walked out of the university and hailed a taxi home. Upon getting home, I prepared myself for my old school’s prom that night. My friend, Gold, who invited me to go as her partner, picked me up at about 5:15 (shut up, many classmates have taunted me enough for this - girl picking me up thing).

The venue was at the EDSA Shangri-la Hotel. Upon getting there, I met some old teachers, old classmates, I just kept seeing people I knew. Anyway, so we entered the hall got our seats. And there, met people and talked. Then we ate. Watched people in the cotillion dance. And then I was even chosen as a random judge for the selection of the prom queen and king. Then at the last part of the prom was the dance. I danced, except the slow one.

Anyway. So there. My friend brought me home at about 1 AM. I still had homeworks and I had to wake up 3 hours later for school.

The next day, Friday, I was grumpy for the whole time I was in school. I barely had an hour of sleep in almost 48 hours. Anyway, after school, I spent an our at the computer laboratory doing our programming project. Then, I went with Patrick to his house to do our Chemistry project, which is dyeing. Instead of dyeing our clothes, we decided to dye paper and report how it could be possible and all those chemical equations. I got home by 7 and I slept immediately afterwards.

Saturday, was supposed to take some university mock exams in school at 9 but I woke up late so I decided not to proceed. Instead, I prepared the materials for the continuation of our Chemistry project at my house. Ira and Wyson went here and we did the messy job of making paper Mache out of damp dyed paper.

I have been sulking in this “I’m such a lonely loser” mood for the past few months. And I don’t know, these past few days, I’ve started talking with my classmates not as the youngest in class, not as a baby, like I always did. Which maybe is the reason why they don’t really feel comfortable letting me grow up with them. The initiative came from me. I needed to hurry catching up because I didn’t see myself going anywhere acting like a cute little baby as the youngest in class while my classmates “mature” in a fast pace. I had to destroy the age gap wall which I have been keeping for the past years. So there. It thought it was cool how I talked so well with some of them concerning stuff I didn’t really talked to them about before. Hey, I can relate after all! I’m actually getting more casual with them! And I’m using “‘tang ina” (in the casual sense) and “pare” already. Ang babaw ko, grabe. Nakakadiri.

Anyway, you see about my prom date. I’ve been asking one of my friends to do most of the asking for me to my prospect, who is her friend and one of my gradeschool classmates. I was always too shy to her because she seems to have this certain feelings… er, I mean, she isn’t too talkative to me either. That was my problem. I wasn’t comfortable talking to her with that premise. So maybe, she got ticked off by my being torpe and my prejudices that she called me tonight and, TALKED. Forced me to talk. And it was cool. It wasn’t really the right time for me for such conversations on the phone because I was busy doing something else but still. It was quite awkward when she brought up my asking someone else to ask her some questions on her being my prom date prospect. Egh! So you know, just told her I really wanted to make sure before finalizing my decisions. Anyway so there. I think what she wanted to do was to make me feel like she does talk and I shouldn’t be ashamed to talk to her with my prejudice. Now I have little to worry about. Happy me.

Hey you know what, I’m not too happy really. I started to have this huge infatuations I once had. I keep forcing myself to think that I’m just infatuated and it’ll pass in time. Because I know it won’t work. And it hurts, really. Trying to contradict yourself. It’s not her by the way. Someone else.

Last Friday — I’m one of those people who don’t see the point of celebrating Valentine’s Day. For me, it’s nonsense.

We didn’t have classes last Friday, for a reason I forgot. But even though, I still went to school and worked. I picked up the art works and photos from my colleagues in the school magazine and scanned them for about four hours at the publications office. After scanning almost a hundred art works and pictures, I tried to burn them all in a cd. Only to find out that the cd burner was not functioning. That meant, all those four hours worth of scanning was useless. Frustrated, I left school and commuted home. I passed by Glori’s and bought a gallon of ice cream then I walked all the way back home. While I was walking along the overpass near Luzon Avenue, I caught sight of some vcd’s (pirated obviously). Couldn’t help but buy. Anyway, so before I went home, I passed by Gold’s house and dropped the ice cream off so I wouldn’t bring it anymore when I come back for their “get-together”.

At home, since my scanner (feeder type) was not functioning properly, I had nothing better to do than to watch the pirated vcd’s I bought. They’re not porn, by the way. Yah right! No, really.

So that afternoon, I went to Gold’s house and ate my ice cream and talked with Joan and Gold for a while, then some other old classmated started arriving, then I left. I didn’t want to stay longer because it was getting uncomfortable because I was the only guy then. I left about half an hour later. I walked back home and got chased by a stupid little dog.

That night, we went to one my mom’s officemate’s first death anniversary. So sad. I mean, his wife’s alone with their two kids. To think it was Valentine’s day. Tsk. Anyway, that’s why smoking is bad.

I’ll be extremely busy, for the next five days at the most. We need to finish up doing the layout of the school magazine. Strict publisher deadlines. And of course, our QBASIC programming project. I hate programming (when you’re on a rush). Our game is an adaptation of Minesweeper you know. Just a few more weeks and school will be over. The only thing I will feel uncomfortable at after that is our prom. Promblems are back, I was really thankful thinking they were almost gone.

Two things on Friday. In Religion class, we watched a propaganda documentary against abortion. It’s horrible, they actually showed how abortion takes place in real time. Everybody should witness what abortion really is. It’s a sick deed. Second, there was this seminar after class, which was on optional-basis. It was a dining etiquette seminar. Most of my classmates attended but I didn’t feel like it so I didn’t.

Last night, we went out and ate at Little Asia along Tomas Morato. Food was great. Damn, remembering that made me feel hungry right now…

Okay, I’m not really sure where to begin this. You see, for the past months in class, I have started to feel more and more isolated from my once close companions and to everyone else for that matter. And isolation equates to being lonely. I keep asking why and yet there seems to be no answer. Not hard concrete answers at least. All I can come off with are theories on why I feel like I am in a loser position right now.
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