Anyway, last Tuesday, I wasted money and some time. I went to a place near school and enrolled myself at a college entrance review program. After that, it was confusion. I was told by my editor-in-chief to get to school then when I got there I was told to come back tomorrow then when I got home, I was told to rush back to school then when I was near school I was told to come back tomorrow. Nobody’s fault though. It was just really like that. And to think I took cabs for those because they said I needed to hurry. Anyway, that’s done and over.

So as told, I went early to school only to find out that we won’t be abe to do our work (which was to distribute the school magazine to the seniors who were having graduation practice) until two and a half hours later. So in the meantime, Toff and I talked away those hours.

After finally getting to distribute the magazine, I hitched a ride with Toff to Glorietta. My classmates weren’t there yet and Toff had to go back home so for about two hours, I walked aimlessly all around the mall. It was so tiring. Anyway, when Toff got back and everybody else we all ate then we watched Just Married. Hahah. Dumb movie.

Then my mom ordered me to get back home in thirty minutes’ time so instead of taking the MRT, I just hailed at taxi and that cost me more than a hundred pesos! What a waste of money. But then… I was in a hurry.

I sympathize with the workers in Shoemart who are on strike right now. It was interesting to watch the protest at SM near Glorietta. There were the pro-Henry Sy employees while right beside them were the workers on strike screaming at their barkers.

I went to my mom’s office this afternoon and swam in their office’s pool for two hours.

I’ve been trying, really. I tried liking to drink. I tried to have a promiscuous mentality. I tried to like basketball. I tried liking to listen to punk rock and all those screaming voices. I tried injecting profanity in my casual vocabulary. I’ve tried spending time with yuppie people. I tried being bad. What else? (Exclude smoking, I’ve never tried that and never will) Seriously, I’ve been doubting if I’m a real guy or what.

Damn it. Ito na nga ba sinasabi ko eh. Hayan, pinag-iwanan ka. You’re lost, you never settled on anything. You don’t know what you like. You don’t know where to fit in. You’re rotting in stagnation. You can’t understand yourself. Hayan, sige. Iyak ka pa, gago.

I’ve done this often. I’ve seriously thought of what I’d be like if I’m only an incoming junior or sophomore right now. My peers are of the same age as I am, I have people growing up with me, going through a phase together. But nooo… I will be a 15 year-old high school senior, experiencing a teenage phase alone. BAH!

Sorry. It’s just one of these lonely summer day blues…

ADDENDUM (9:26 PM) Hey. I feel better now I don’t know why. Sometimes I can’t understand my mood. Maybe it’s just my lack of people to talk to. Sometimes things don’t seem to be as bad as they are. Sometimes they seem to be far worse than they are. Ah, basta. Ang gulo.

See yesterday, our house-help was cooking shrimps. And she overcooked it so the shrimps’ shells got burned or something like that (I know, because I ate those shrimps). So it smelled like something was burning at home. Then my brother comes home from school and smells that. He asked me what it was and I didn’t answer him. That left him making up crazy stuff in his head as to what that smell was.

This morning, my parents woke me up from sleep (which they don’t do when it’s summer vacation). I immediately felt the tension…

Victor, were you here yesterday? …Why did it smell like somebody was smoking yesterday? …Who was smoking? …Did you smoke?

What the hell. Of all the things you’d suspect me doing, it’s smoking.

Mornings are usually the time of the day when I feel best. Not today. My mood just got ruined. Again.

Look at me! Do I look like I smoke? Or someone who’d try doing it? Do my friends in class look like people who’d influence me to smoke?!

Hey. I won’t talk about the war, I don’t want to.

So today was okay. I went to school this morning and paid for my clearance, about P300 because I lost two thin books. Anyway, after receiving my clearance slip, some of my classmates and I went to Blue Skies and played Battlefield 1942, as usual, for about three hours. After we got tired of playing, Jake, Ira, Cortez and I went to Jollibee and had lunch. Ira and I commuted together till we parted ways at Glori’s. So there, I walked home from there.

I got to talk on the phone with Roanna (a girl I met at our STC soiree) for two straight hours. I’m not really a phone person so I surprised myself by being able to stay on the phone that long.

And finally, some good news from my mom and an old friend. We were able to reserve a slot at Languages Internationale for my Mandarin classes. And we were also able to reserve a batch 9 slot at Expert Guides for my entrance review classes. And another good news from the friend of my prom date. You see, my prom date and I are really shy to each other (don’t ask me why, it’s quite a long story…somewhat) so we use her as a messenger. Anyway, she brought some news and it just really made my day. And yet another hour on the phone.

Pagbigyan n’yo na ako, please. I want to forget my lifetime depressions, even for a little while. And I do mean lifetime depressions. Thank you.

There will come a time when I won’t be too overwhelmed, intimidated or depressed by the realization that a lot of people smoke cigarettes and pot including numerous people I’m personally acquainted with. You know. I researched about marijuana and stuff and found lots of arguments to support its legalization. Ah whatever, shouldn’t matter if your friends do it right? It’s just this innate guilt by association no matter how people tell me pot doesn’t do anything wrong and stuff like that.

We had a soiree with a class from STC last Friday. Actually, I hesitated from going because the only classmates I knew who were going were the erm, the clique in class with a rock band. And I thought that if I went there I’d feel out of place and all. Actually, I did, even though I had Jake with me. Hindi kasi pumunta ‘yung iba naming classmates. Maybe they still have a prejudice against the rock band barkada in class (long complicated story) because most of us thought that they arranged the soiree, which is not true. I decided to go because yun nga, they might think na hindi kami pumunta dahil sila ang nag-arrange. We DO NOT want to go back to sophomore status quo.

Contrary to all those, the soiree was actually one of the best ones I attended. I don’t know. Without the socialites to hog most of the attention, the girls there actually were the ones who initiated conversations with me even though they did notice that I wasn’t feeling too comfortable. It was great. By the end of the night, I had an a couple of new names in my phone’s address book. Great. The next day, another couple of names. I guess they passed my number around or something. I was preoccupied with texting most of the day, which I don’t usually do.

On Saturday, our school publication moderator treated us in the editorial board to lunch at Sweet Inspirations.

I took a cab to Katipunan and saw our moderator withdrawing money from an ATM machine. The foolish idiot in me hopped from behind her and tapped her on her shoulder alarming her… so you know, she thought I was a thief and she was startled. It was hilarious! Anyway, she treated us to a Mongolian barbecue buffet. Yum. I’ve never had a Mongolian barbecue lunch before. It was interesting. Anyway, we talked about some vague plans for next school year, as to what we’re going to do in the school publication. After that, she offered to bring me near our house so I didn’t need to commute anymore.

Hey guys. My newly-repaired 19-inch monitor will be coming today so some technicians took back the monitor I’ve been using for the past months last Wednesday so I wasn’t able to write anything here. Anyway, chronicles again.

Last Wednesday was the last day of the school-year! And see, we coincidentally had to sponsor the last regular school-day morning mass.

After our last periodical exams, I went with Toff and Cinco to a hospital along Aurora Boulevard to visit our Religion teacher who had a miscarriage. When we got there, we found out that she was taken home already so we went to her house a couple of streets away. I’m really sorry for our teacher. She’s in her late thirties. She doesn’t have any child yet and I remember how proud, thankful and excited she was when she found out she’s going to have a baby. And one of our lessons these past few months in morality was about abortion and the value of life and stuff. She kept crying. I wish her the best. My mom went through a miscarriage too on her third child (sayang, could’ve had a younger sister). But a miscarriage on your first child on your late thirties? I hope our teacher gets through with this gracefully.

After that, the three of us went to Galleria and met Pendix, Don, Erik, Jake, Rene, Jona and Paolo at KFC. Pendix treated us. Then, we went to Netopia and played Battlefield 1942 for about two hours. I excused myself once to move my bowel but then I forgot to buy tissue paper before going the cubicle so I couldn’t leave the cubicle for almost half an hour until one of my classmates came and rescued me. Heheh. Then we had went to photo shop and had a group studio pic. Then I stayed with Toff and Cinco at a shop while they were buying some clothes. Didn’t have enough money. Then my classmates wanted to watch Ring 2. I suggested we watch Final Destination 2 instead but nobody else wanted to watch it so I was forced to watch Ring 2 again. After that, my classmates spent some time in Neutral Grounds obsessing over Magic cards again. Then we ate, then I got picked up at about 8 in the evening.

The next day, Thursday, I went to school to return our books. I just commuted from home to school, my first time actually. I only know how to commute from school to home. Tiring. Before heading to the high school, I played Battlefield 1942 at Blue Skies with Mon, Jona, Ira, and Pendix.

Four more school days (plus the weekend). Then, that’s it. Sigh.

I hope my dad buys me the bike I’ve long wanted. He doesn’t want to buy me a bike because my other one got lost when we were on vacation. Like, that was out of my control! How could I prevent my bike from being stolen inside our house if I wasn’t in Manila in the first place? I told my dad that I promise to take care of my new bike. I just want and need one.

Highly improbable, but I’m hoping against odds that the school administration install air conditioners in all the classrooms. Damn it, the heat is severe! Temperature in the classroom can go up to 35 degrees Celsius. Can you study in THAT heat?! And to think we are 43 in a not-so-big classroom. Yah, we have lots of trees in the high school and we are on top of the ridge and stuff, yah right. It’s still hot.