I’ve been trying, really. I tried liking to drink. I tried to have a promiscuous mentality. I tried to like basketball. I tried liking to listen to punk rock and all those screaming voices. I tried injecting profanity in my casual vocabulary. I’ve tried spending time with yuppie people. I tried being bad. What else? (Exclude smoking, I’ve never tried that and never will) Seriously, I’ve been doubting if I’m a real guy or what.

Damn it. Ito na nga ba sinasabi ko eh. Hayan, pinag-iwanan ka. You’re lost, you never settled on anything. You don’t know what you like. You don’t know where to fit in. You’re rotting in stagnation. You can’t understand yourself. Hayan, sige. Iyak ka pa, gago.

I’ve done this often. I’ve seriously thought of what I’d be like if I’m only an incoming junior or sophomore right now. My peers are of the same age as I am, I have people growing up with me, going through a phase together. But nooo… I will be a 15 year-old high school senior, experiencing a teenage phase alone. BAH!

Sorry. It’s just one of these lonely summer day blues…

ADDENDUM (9:26 PM) Hey. I feel better now I don’t know why. Sometimes I can’t understand my mood. Maybe it’s just my lack of people to talk to. Sometimes things don’t seem to be as bad as they are. Sometimes they seem to be far worse than they are. Ah, basta. Ang gulo.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 24th, 2003 at 5:03 am and is filed under High School . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.