TD Tutoring today. I neglected to make my English lesson plan again so I used the whole period for Math. Bah, I am starting to regret volunteering to teach two subjects. We needed to stay in school after getting back from TD Tutoring to attend a mass for St. Ingatius at the Church of the Gesu. The whole class attended (oh no, not at all with their will, many of my classmates are godless hedonists), so that means we will have one CAT-free Friday as a reward.

I went with my mom to dinner at Chili’s in Tomas Morato with her college friends. They kind of argued with the management there. Apparently, they are not allowed to show local channels in the restaurant (how unpatriotic!). But they did give in to their request in the end.

Kung sino man ‘yung nagtatago ng recommendation letter ko from my Hilites Magazine moderator, ‘tang ina mo! Wala akong kilalang may galit sa akin sa klase pero imposibleng nawala lang ‘yon. Siguradong may nagtatago nun. At kung sino ka mang may galit sa akin at naggagago sa puntong gusto mong sirain ang kahit anong kinabukasan kong makapasok sa college ng Ateneo, bahala ka! Sa UP ko naman gusto mag-aral. Good riddance to you guys!

Classes were called off today so I just stayed home. You know what, I haven’t done a single homework yet. I have this severe procrastination illness I want to cure, but have little perseverance to accomplish.

It’s funny how congressmen and other politicians applauded when the President addressed to solve corruption problems pertaining to people among their ranks. Haha. Ano ‘to? Kung sino hindi pumalakpak, magmumukang guilty? (President Arroyo’s State of the Nation Address)

Tang ‘ina, this is absolute sabotage over Destiny Cable by its premiere competitor. After they’ve unfairly robbed Destiny of the right to air the Star Channels, including my favorite, Star Mandarin Movies, they’re taking away AXN for no valid and just reason!! Tang ‘nang kung sino man ‘yan, garapal!

If your household is subscribed to Destiny and if you would not like to lose AXN like me, let’s contact AXN and air our sentiments at them.

The immediate crisis that has transpired over the last 24 hours is over. However, there is still one thing that bothers me. What Capt. Trillanes, the spokesman of the rebel soldiers, has been accusing the government of doing; from selling arms to the enemies, to staging the Davao City bombings, to planning to declare martial law–well, however ridiculous some of the accusations sound, they must be grounded on a certain level of truth. I don’t think a man could persist and risk so much for something he believes in, if it’s not based on realities. After all these, I think the administration and the army have the obligation to explain. Well, tomorrow, the President will deliver her annual State of the Nation Address.

We had TD Tutoring today. To save me from further annoyance from some classmates’ bus ride attitudes, I rode the smaller bus of the two that’s assigned to our class–the one where calmer, less rowdy classmates ride.

One of my kids was absent but that didn’t make my tutoring easier. I misplaced my pentel pen so it was very difficult to teach multiplication without any visuals except for my lesson sheets. You see, I had to teach them multiplication again (they’re already in grade six) because when I was teaching them PEMDAS last week, I caught some of my kids drawing sticks in their notebooks and then counting and grouping them by multiples. They haven’t memorized their multiplication tables! So there. I didn’t teach English anymore because I used the whole period teaching them multiplication. I hope they understood what I taught.

My former comrades in the NCOCC asked me to stay. Well… thanks, but no. I realized that it’s not really my relations with you that’s my problem. My heart was totally out of being an NCO in the first place. I’ve just been forcing myself to keep up with this course for a month. I’ve never felt much lighter and less stressed in a long time. And I don’t intend to cut that feeling short.

Our classes were suspended at about 2 in the afternoon–an hour after we were dismissed at 1 PM. Oh well. The typhoon is on its way out, but I guess the rains are going to continue pouring. I feel nice. But in a sense I feel bad too. Why does my favorite weather have to kill and menace people?

When I decided to quit the NCOCC today, it was not because I couldn’t handle physical training anymore. It’s because my comrades in the NCOCC make me feel like such a black sheep. I’ve heard from other people what they’ve been saying behind my back. That I haven’t been as dedicated to the NCOCC as them. Not as devoted, not as strong, not as friendly. When I have to be united with people who don’t understand that I have my duties as managing editor and my aim to get an honor card this term haggling for my top priorities, I’d opt to stay out. And yes, I guess you’ll even be glad I left. One of the group’s black sheep is gone.

Ever since I started with the intense physical training as an NCO candidate, all (or almost all) my free time was devoted to resting and sleeping. When I get home, I eat, watch an hour of TV and then I sleep for eight hours or more. I don’t do homeworks anymore (at home), and I tend to shrug off updating my journal. So there.

This afternoon was our TD period. As usual, classmates tick me off. They have this attitude of acting like all-knowing gods who have the nerve to talk about experiences, principles, people and places they’ve only heard about, visited once, only seen, or never experienced at all. You know, that I-am-never-wrong, higher-than-thou, better-than-everyone-else attitude towards lower class people? That!

On the bus to and from our assigned public school in Marikina, I get ticked off a lot every time they remark on people who belong to a lower social class. “Pare, walk along these streets and in three minutes, you’ll get kidnapped, dude!” What the hell! I bet you’ve never even tried doing that, how dare you say it. “Pare, andaming skwaters in that mall, parating may holdapan d’yan!” Dude, I bet you’ve only been there once. “Pare, sa Ateneo madaming chicks, sa UP mga babae mukang kabayo! ‘Wag ka na dun!” Now THAT is really an asshole remark! Those are not the only things they say which irks me off. They often bash-talk the Philippines and Filipinos in general like they’re some almighty beings who know everything about their country and their fellow countrymen when their world only revolves around malls, posh subdivisions, school and party places in Manila. Their ideas of a shit-hole Philippines are often misconceptions which they get from watching the depressing views from inside their comfortable cars and the scenes from the televisions in their elite homes. If you think this place is a shit-hole, why the hell are you here?! You have the money to leave, do so! If you must proclaim things like these, have the credits to do so! (rare half-day staged exposure trips to orphanages and depressed areas in Manila don’t count!) There can really be times when I don’t want to be associated with my classmates and schoolmates at all. Oo, burgis din ako pero sumusuko ako sa katotohanang hindi ko alam ang lahat ng dapat malaman at maranasan para masabi kong may karapatan akong sabihin ang mga tulad ng mga pinagsasabi n’yo.

Gusto kong upakan sarili ko! Bakit ba ‘ko tumugon sa imbitasyong mag-NCO? Ayoko na! Dalawang linggo pa lang ng training, paspasang pagtitiis na ginagawa ko. Sobrang tiis. ‘Yung lalabas na sa bunganga ko yung salitang quit sa labis na hirap ng mga exercises pero pinipilit mo pa rin magpatuloy. Tang ina!! Ang tanga ko!! ‘Yung natanggap ko ‘yung sulat ng imbitasyon, proud pa ‘ko sa sarili ko. Mababait at masasarap ang mga salita sa sulat, may potential daw ako. Akala ko magiging leader lang ako at gano’n. Hindi eh!

Pero huli na lahat. Sayang naman magququit pa ‘ko. Heto ako, magtitiis pa rin sa maka-impyernong hirap at sakit.