Selective equality
I was browsing my LiveJournal friends page when I came accross Kenny’s latest entry. It was about a discussion from one of his classes which revolved around the question, “Is it okay for a girl to ask a guy out?”
Then, I asked, what I think, was a pivotal question: “Ano ba talaga ang mawawala sa mga babae if they are the ones who ask?” The almost-collective answer was simple and quite telling (no offense to anyone). It was PRIDE. What they said verbatim? “PRIDE.” Anton put it quite bluntly, saying, “Girls just like to be sought after.” Yes, I think so, too. Girls like that feeling that a guy is chasing them. It’s very self-satisfying, yes, but damn it’s just wrong.
We also had a similar discussion, but I forget in which class. I think it was an offshoot discussion from Comm 100 last semester. We’ve also talked about this in small debates in my org tambayan.
Okay, I’m not saying that there should be role-switching right now. It’s just that, if a girl really likes a guy, I don’t see why she shouldn’t do anything with what she’s feeling, aside from subtlely hinting off. I can’t speak for girls of course. Mm, this may come off as unmasculine in my part (which brings me to another point later), but I myself haven’t attempted formally courting anyone. And sometimes it’s just frustrating when people see that as an abnormality for a guy or when they interpret it as something else. When did the concept of torpe become exclusive for guys? It’s a social construct, (like all things). Can’t I wait too, like girls?
I remember one petty debate we had in the MCO tambayan when one of the girls asked the question, “While on sitting on the MRT and you see an old man and a girl standing up in front of you, to whom would you give your seat to?” Of course, to the old man. But that’s not my point. If there was no old man, I’d normally stand up to allow the girl to sit down. But come to think of it, why should I? I want the seat as much as the girl, and I got there first. Why do I have to open doors for girls, or automatically take the responsibility of taking on the heavy tasks? I lose my masculinity if I don’t?
Also, (this might be a shallow argument but I’ll say it nonetheless), there are statistically more girls in the Philippines than guys. The burden of abundance is on the girls. The privilege of choice is not on the girls, but it’s on guys, because the guys are scarcer! (Especially in UP).
Also from Kenny’s entry:
I think it good to point out that equality of the sexes becomes an issue as well because, as I said, while women ask for the same privileges and rights a man has, they are not too keen on some responsibilities men carry as masculine people.
(I think I’ve written an entry with a similar tone. But I’m too lazy to look for it.)
Just put it this way, being socialized to traditional gender roles have a great effect on behaviour. But really, it’s just a façade. Boys and girls alike have their own reasons for being “torpe”.
From the classicly mediocre “I’m afraid to be rejected” to the understandable “I don’t want to be in a complicated relationship yet”. You really can’t be sexist about it and expect the entire female population to “get over” these reasons just because only 30% of the UP student population is male.
hindi ko naman sinasabing magsimula nang manligaw ang mga babae ngayon. it’s just that, i think girls shouldnt feel helpless when it comes to love. na, if they really believe in women empowerment and equality of the sexes, then at least they shouldn’t be scared of taking traditionally masculine risks of courting.
saka, bakit walang konsepto ng pagiging torpe ang babae? dahil ba it is normal and expected of them naman? na lalaki lang ang may konsepto ng pagiging torpe kasi its something we, as guys, aren’t supposed to be?
just some thoughts. its not as if i myself can totally avoid these societal constructs.
kanya-kanya lang yan. minsan masarap ipursue ng lalake (kilig factor), minsan mas maganda na ikaw na babae ang maginitiate…sa sobrang katorpehan ng asawa ko ako na ang nagtanong sa kanya (years ago). labo kasi, di ko na maintindihan saan patungo. minsan kasi kung pakyeme-kyeme pa yung babae walang mangyayari. meron akong alam na yung babae forever nagmamaktol na old maid na raw siya eh siya naman ‘tong sobrang pakipot na tipong hindi pa siya kuntento sa liligawan sa bahay nila, gusto pa magpakamatay yung lalake for her, yung tipong romeo and juliet. yung girl na sinasabi ko ayaw mag-effort eh gusto din pala nya. tapos sarap sabunutan magrereklamo old maid na raw siya.
I remember opening that MRT topic in MCO. It’s really a strange thing that in Philippine culture, we still tend to be under the semi-colonial “women should be treated better than men” connotation. If ladies ask for equality, then sitting in the MRT even if there are ladies standing, will be alright. That’s what people get for equality.
you have a point. pero come to think of it na rin na minsan.. ginagawa na yun ng mga babae tapos yung lalake naman, ibla-blab na: “aah. yang girl na yan? hinahabol-habol na nga ako niyan eh..” masaklap pa, minsan sasabihin: “ang landi naman niyan..” pero.. you have a point.
taga UP nga rin pala ako.
girls do ask guys out (i’ve done so quite a few times and some of them turned out well, some not). besides the reason that i like the guy, i think it’s also kinda cool and different and to the point (sa pinas) so i do it.
kind of non-sequitur:
sa amerika, nyeh, GUYS HERE seem to wait for the girls to ask them out. it’s kinda boring for you to come up to a guy you like since…he either is not interested or is just too lazy to make the first move. that’s really not cool, especially since it’s so commonplace.
back to p.o.i.:
anyways, i tried sharing my ‘asking-out’ stories to a filipino guy friend of mine and he reacted like the traditional filipino guy he was. yuck daw. ba’t ko daw ginawa. para daw akong desperada. *rolls eyes* so i dunno. maybe that’s why some girls there hesitate.
pardon the oldwomanish comment but i think the apparent hesitance in asking anyone out is determined not by gender but by confidence. Confidence in one’s self, a solid belief in one’s convictions that can overcome any labels or stereotype imposed by other people. Sometimes the confidence comes with age, but I know for a fact that age is only one of the factors that can contribute to confidence.
yea, i guess it also depends on how guys look at things like this.