Something robbed me of the passion
When I told my mom that I was going to try out law school and take the law aptitude exam in UP, she let out a sigh of relief as if one of her secret lifelong prayers have been answered. True enough, even if my parents always claim that they support me in my choices, whatever they are, I always felt like they didn’t feel quite confident that I’d be professionally or economically secure with BA Film & Audio-Visual Communication, my current undergraduate course. We all know parents mean well when they think about their children’s financial and professional security in their college choices, but it really wasn’t my primary concern when I was choosing my course.
Whenever I tell some relatives and even my elementary and high school teachers about my course, I always sense a tinge of disappointment behind their remarks of approval, if ever they give one. Sometimes, they would even candidly ask me, in a demeaning tone, WHY?
Indeed, I have come to the point, a few months before I finally graduate from this course, that I’m asking myself the same question. And it surprises me how difficult it is for me to provide myself the answers. After almost four years, I don’t see myself as the production manager or the director or even the production assistant I tried to imagine myself when I was a freshman. I don’t know. Perhaps this lack of enthusiasm is a fleeting thing. I may eventually find myself in this field of media after all. Who knows?
I’m shooting my thesis, a short film, in a few months, but I’m honestly not as eager or as excited about it as my passionate co-student filmmaker friends.
By the way, yes, to your right is my excessively retouched graduation picture. It looks so aggressively edited by the photography studio that took care of our pictures that even the facial lines that define my smile are gone. Tsk. Mainstream excessive photo editing has got to stop. I didn’t even ask them to edit anything.
LOL on the edited picture. It’s almost insulting diba? That the studio felt compelled to edit your face.
Regarding your passion: It is good that you question what you are doing. It is part of life. Better now than later, when you are 60 after you’ve spent years in one profession, you’ve realized that you’ve wasted your life.
I think that you will actually be a good “media person” if you are feeling this way.
Ako I don’t regret my undergrad programme, pero somehow, my parents felt the same way when I told them I’m taking the LAE. Well, in the back of my mind, I’m taking it as a post-grad option lang rin, pero at the same time I’m happy appeasing my parents.
Our photo studio in my School gave us the un-retouched photos. At mas maganda yung sablay na ginamit sa amin. Bad trip lang yung biggest photo ay yung toga, but oh well.
well, i never said i regretted my undergrad course
Okay, maybe regret is too much on the negative spectrum, but your entry alludes to some looming doubt rin eh. Ako I’ll proudly say I love my undergrad discipline, and my sheer love for it is the main reason why I studied it. Haha. No judgement, and yes, don’t be too defensive.
I kind of dig where you’re coming from. We’re similar in a way. I never saw myself pursuing a career in Film although I’ve been in love with films all my life. It’s my passion but as a career, thanks, but no thanks. Secretly, I’ve always wanted to become a diplomat thus my electives were all History. Hehe.
Funny because I experienced those demeaning “why’s” as well. And my mum also realeased a sign of relief when I told her I was taking the Foreign Service Exams. My friends from college were all surprised, of course.
Regarding the pic, yep. You look like, uhm, two-dimensional. Hihi. Sayang. Sana hindi nila in-edit. Tsk tsk.
I also did not tell them to edit anything. And still they did! The wrinkle-free me on the pic vaguely reminded me of Michael Jackson. *sigh* Ok lang.
baket may foundation?
i’ve recently read something about the reiki principles. one of its “5 pillars” states: “just for today i will not worry.” somehow, i feel that this would be of help to you.
the world of media has never been considered a stable and secure job.
whatever your next career choice will be, remember that all our choices helped us grow to who we are now.
now i sound like “the secret.”
^_^
Good luck! and God Bless.
Foundation kung foundation! LOL.
Actually, ang hirap ng CMC, ang daming pwedeng kabagsakan pag sa CMC ka nagtapos. Lalo na sa Broad, kung ayaw mong mag-media, it could be overwhelming when you think about what you want to do OTHER than media work.
[...] to my very unwilling victims Dan, Annie, Rachel and Bikoy whose grad pics I stole from their multiply sites because they willingly posted them there for all [...]
I took up Fine Arts (Advertising) sa UST, gusto ko noon sa UP, ayaw ng parents ko, ayoko din ng Fine Arts gusto ko Theatre Arts, kasi bata pa ako drawing na ako ng drawing, nagsawa ako, but tinapos ko nang apat na taon ang fine arts para di masayang pera ng parents ko at magawa ko na ang gusto kong gawin after college.
Happy ako at hindi ako nagtheatre arts sa UP.
Alam mo, ang tingin ko talaga sa art courses sa Pilipinas waste of time. Yung mga tao sa film industry or sa showbiz? Karamihan dun hindi naman nakatapos ng college, koneksyon lang at suerte ang puhunan. Unless sa advertising ka pupunta, dapat degree holder ka. Maliit lang ang film industry sa Pilipinas, parang sayang lang ang pera, at yun bang mga prof n’yo nasa industria? Ibang iba ang itinuturo sa loob ng classroom sa tunay na kulay ng paggawa ng pelikula, unless technical kagaya ng editing.
Law, Medicine, etc. saludo ako, but art courses? Ewan ko lang. But here in America dapat naman degree holder ka sa lahat ng trabaho, minsan nga kahit walang talent masabi lang na may degree ka.
Follow your heart Bikoy. With your film background tapos magiging lawyer ka? Wow, astig ‘yun!
About your grad photo, dapat ibalik n’yo yan, putsa dude ang joke namin sa ganyan “parang natutulog ka lang look”!
Hardly anyone likes their own gradpics anyway ;P
As for your ‘fleeting’ passion, I suppose thats really just how somethings turn out. To quote an old rockstar, “Plan your future, but do it in pencil.” You never really know what the future holds for you no matter how obsessively-compulsive you dedicate yourself to a 20-yr-life plan posted on your bedroom wall. To quote another old rock song “The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you’ll finally get it right.” Don’t you just love how rock songs have all the answers to all the world’s perplexities? hehehehe
buti nawala lang ang mga linya. yung grad pic ko di ko kamukha hehe! good luck sa LAE!
i’m so glad i don’t need to take a yearbook picture. hindi naman kasi uso yan dito sa amin. we can take our own graduation pictures…ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman na iniedit yung picture, mas gusto ko yung natural.
i think it doesn’t matter what you want to do with your life. Normal lang yata yan sa mga Filipino parents na gusto nila maging laywer, doctor or kaya engineer ang kanilang anak kasi doon nila nakikita na magiging maganda ang buhay natin. I decided to double major in History ( emphasis in Asian History and Asian Arts) and Political Science ( emphasis in Southeast Asian Politics and Government)Pag may family gatherings they always ask me kung ano ang major ko and then when i tell them i always get the big “WHY? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT WITH? BA’T HINDI KA NA LANG NAGNURSING?” Minsan nakakairita, pero kung ano dapat ang gusto mo, yan dapat ang sundin mo.
Kung saan ka masaya, yan dapat ang sundin mo, kasi future mo naman yan…Goodluck Bikoy!
Nice seeing you in sablay while remembering the posts you wrote four years ago about even making it in UP. How fast time flies.
[...] doing it myself now that I’m a senior. I’ve shared something about this already, in this entry, where I said I sort of lost a passion in creating moving [...]